Teach them correct principles, and let them govern themselves

I'm reading Laddie by Gene Stratton-Porter.  I am really enjoying it.  It's got very flowery language, and I find myself often rereading what I've just read, because it doesn't sink in the first time.  My mind is used to reading mindless novels, I guess.

I love this story, though.  My friend Donna made a comment on my last blog post that touches on something I've been thinking about the past few days - silence as an effective method of reproving.  In our house, we're quick to correct our children and remind them the lessons we've taught them.  That has left me exhausted!  Really, imagine a house with 5 children, 10 and under, all doing the things that are perfectly age appropriate - testing limits, jockeying for some sort of control in their lives, asserting themselves, taking a stand, learning what it feels like to buck the system...etc. etc. etc.  I know I nag them wayyyy too often.  As tired as I am of the conflict, I'll bet they are equally exhausted with my constant reminders of correct behavior.  My fears that they will grow up to be rude, insensitive and disobedient children are unfounded, because I have really, really, really, amazing, wonderful and great kids!  I do!  I am told quite frequently how friendly, well-behaved and engaging my children are.  Yes, they do kid things, all the time.  But that is because they're kids! 

When did I grow so old? 

Anyway, back to Laddie.  Laddie is one of 12 children, and a good and proper boy.  He is responsible and kind to his family.  They are country folk, working hard to support a very large family.  Laddie is courting Princess (an only child), the daughter of a wealthy English man whose family is a bit mysterious.  One night at dinner, Leon, Laddie's younger brother, insensitively reminds Laddie that their "position" is "less than" that of Princess and her family, and this momentarily strikes some fear and inadequacy into Laddie's heart.  As soon as Leon speaks, he realizes his error.  Laddie turns to his parents for help and asks if, perhaps, Leon is correct, and if he should not ask Princess to ride with him in their handmade coach since she obviously would be more comfortable in the costly and comfortable one her family owns.  Mother wisely responds that Princess has never given Laddie any reason to feel as though she doesn't adore his attention and it would be wise to let her make her own decisions.  Not a word was said to Leon, Laddie ends up asking Princess to the party, she gladly accepts and a good time is had by all. 

I have been thinking about that exchange a lot.  Laddie didn't lash out at his brother because of the hurtful words.  Ma and Father focused their attention on repairing Laddie's ego, teaching the truth about the value of a person, and reminding him of the good character of Princess.  Leon learning his lesson without being shamed, or even spoken to. 

I want to discern when it's best to keep my mouth shut as a mother.  I love the respect that Ma showed to both her sons in the way she reacted to this situation.  Laddie did not react in anger to his brother, he considered his words and then went to his parents ( ie.  Heavenly Father) for wisdom.  A good pattern to follow in my life, for sure! 

When I've said something stupid, I know it.  When impulse rules with my children, they know it without my voice reminding them. 

Prophet Joseph Smith: “I teach them correct principles and they govern themselves.”  I am going to work on this!  I understand they are still young, and need a lot of leading and intervention, but I think we'll all feel a bit better if I held my tongue a bit more often.