Sean

I have the perfect photo for this post, but I'm on the laptop and the photo is on our desk top...so, the photo will have to wait.  I'm sorry to keep bringing this up, but I'm working through things, and this is my blog, so I will beat any subject to death if I feel so inclined.  So there.  :)  Here goes:  The night Teddy died I was awake in bed for almost an hour trying to decide if Teddy's symptoms were emergency enough to wake Sean.  I turned on the laptop, I googled, I got up twice to go outside with Teddy, I fretted, I prayed, and then finally I put my hand on Sean's back and I said, "Sean, we need to take Teddy to the emergency vet clinic."  He resisted. I laid out my case, point by point, and pointed to exhibit "A" - the little family member shivering in our warm bed.  Sean took him outside once, and said he went to the bathroom.  I said, "No, he didn't.  Did you WATCH?"  So he took him out again and then finally relented a bit.  Teddy went under the bed and I laid on the floor beckoning him to come out and he crawled to me for a snuggle, at which time I said, "You better get ready to go" and Sean said, "What? You want ME to take him?"  And then I said, "Yes.  I'm scared, Sean."  I think I knew we were in dire straits.  Despite that understanding, I still prayed an empty prayer that God would save him.

Sean didn't argue with me, and when he called a while later to discuss our options I was thankful at least one of us could keep it together.  Sean was with Teddy the whole time.  He held his phone up to Teddy so I could give him one last, "I love you Teddy Boy!  You're such a good boy, ya know?"  Sean went to the car and sobbed.  I love this man.

I've come across a few people lately who either have lost their husband or are living without them as they serve in the military.  Those situations really tug at my heart.  Everything is easier because Sean is by my side.  Every decision is made together, every sorrow is grieved together, every day begins and ends with the warmth and love of this man.  It hurts to think what it would be like without him.  I can't see the future, but I am thankful that I have him for this now, and I am trying to live so he will know the depth of my love and appreciation for who he is and what he does to uphold our happy home.

This morning he found an old document.  He printed it, and I loved rereading it.  I wrote it years ago in an early blog, and I thought I would recreate, and "downsize" a bit, since it is too long to retype right now. 

Several things about Sean and I

1.  We've known each other for a quarter of a century.  2.  Married for 16 years of that time.  3.  Almost 6 years of marriage without any children, and thus enjoyed plenty o' good fun with just the two of us.  4. Also enjoyed a good amount of torture and grief.  5.  But we made it through intact and stronger because of it.  6.  Our lives BC (before children) has become a distant blur in the non-stop hustle of 5 children.  7.  We are both fairly stubborn, he a little less than I.  8.  We love to read good books together.  9.  It takes us a long time to get through a book, because we can only take it in little snatches, here and there, but we keep plugging along  10.  When we were kids my dog peed on his dad's leg.  11. His Dad just let it happen, because our dog was a huge rottweiler.  12.  That was so funny!  13.  We love being active, but we are both gaining weight.  14.  Probably because we both love food and haven't quite mastered moderation.  15. We're getting older, and our hairs are turning gray, but I love Sean's salt -n- peppered beard in a really big way  16.  We like Arbys.  17.  And subway.  18.  And peanut butter.  19.  We both cried harder than any of our kids did when Teddy died.  20.  What a surprise.  21. We want to serve a mission together when our kids are grown.  22.  We'd love to go to Brasil.  23.  Or Nauvoo.  24.  Or whereever.  25.  We love watching The Biggest Loser.  26.  And Covert Affairs.  27.  And Castle.  28.  When we get mad at each other, we start cleaning and organizing.  29.  I love it when Sean gets mad at me. Haha!  30.  We are both working hard at mastering our tempers.  31. We cry when we hear patriotic songs.  32.  Five years ago, when I did this, I wrote "We feel younger than we are, and we act younger than we are", I don't think I can honestly say that today.  I am feeling more my age.  And I can tell Sean is feeling more his age these days as well.  33.  We are not afraid of getting old, it's just growing old alone that we are afraid of.  34.  We are learning.  35.  Together!  36.  We are best friends.  37.  We are buddies.  38.  We are partners.  39. Comrades.  40.  Allies.  41.  Companions.  42.  Confidantes.  43.  We are collaborators.  44. We are sidekicks.  45.  We are blessed.